India TV is my office's favourite channel. As copywriters, we look up to the guys working there. Here are Friday's pearls:
Bharat Mein Mahamanav:
This special report by a brave reporter is about a 10 foot, 300 kilo yeti in Meghalaya. How they got their stats is their business alone. We have no right to ask. The report stressed that, "Bharat mein ab yeh ghor khatra aa chuka hai. Aur is khatre ka saamna karne ke liye hamare samvatdata vahan gaye aur unhe yeh video mila."
At this point, they used clippings from this video, a BBC news report on the possibility of Bigfoot sightings in Malaysia. Also, as background for the anchor, they used a montage of images taken from the first page of google image search results for the word 'yeti', including an image of Chewbacca (this one, actually). The newsroom reporter stood in front of it so that any random Star Wars fan watching (such as myself) wouldn't notice.
I'm surprised they didn't use this video for the story.
One hour later:
Special Report: Yamraj Ka Video:
This was a 'Breaking News' report about how last night, an Indian Airlines flight got hit by a bird just before takeoff from Delhi, and some woman on board was filming it while it was happening because she wanted a video of the beautiful takeoff. Instead, says the announcer, she got a video of Yamraj! The reporter went on to provide running commentary in a menacing voice:
"Aur vimaan ki raftaar badhne lagi.
Chalees kilometer prati ghante.
Sath kilometer prati ghante.
Sau kilometer prati ghante!
Aur phir yeh bhayaanak haadsa! Ek pakshi vimaan se takra gayi!
Captaan ne lagaye emergency brake!
Aur vimaan ke nichle hisse mein lagi aag!
Do sau ikyaasi logon ko ambulance aur fire engines ke beech mein plane se utara gaya!"
Then they went on to show practically each of the two hundred and bloody forty one people evacuated from the place by the slider thingie at the emergency exits.
Where does Yamraj feature in this, you ask? Fear not, for our copy-journalists have the answer. In his menacing tone, our announcer proclaims:
"Yamraj sirf teen second door they, par ab iss video mein kaid ho chuke hain!"
